Cat and mouse
29 September 1997
Sitting in a bar, waiting in anticipation. Not quite sure what is going to
take place. He's late, nothing unusual there. To him, it adds to the
moment; to me, it's another agonising wait. Finally he arrives as if he's
right on time, no apology, no explanation and kisses me hello. I go and get
him a drink, gin and tonic, and a bourbon and coke for me. We start talking
about our day, what went wrong at work, what went right, what the plans for
the weekend are. It's just a general housekeeping kind of conversation.
Every time my glass is nearly empty he tells me to go and buy another. As I
drink more and my defences start to lower, the talk changes tone to a more
personal level. "Tell me how you're feeling", he demands. I parry with a
non-comittal, "slightly drunk". He looks at me with those dark brown eyes,
"Not good enough - Tell me how you're really feeling." I can tell that
it's not a request. However, I once again try to evade his question and try
a "Let's get out of here"-type response. The conversation continues in this
vein for a while. "Tell me how you're feeling and we'll leave", is his final
offer. I look at him in that "soulful" kind of way which implies "Please
don't push this much further" and offer "Confused" as my answer. He doesn't
quiz me any further and as he's feeling playful tonight, lets me have my
way.
We leave the bar and start wandering around the wet streets of a dark city.
Neon lights reflect off the road in abstract patterns. I'm still fairly
drunk and have to watch everything I say in case I slip up. What is going
through my head is this: I want to fuck him, I want to submit to him and
have him dominate me. It's even gone that far that I want to belong to him. I
know that he's interested, but I can't tell him yet. I can't give up that
amount of control, yet. I can't trust him, yet. Too many cliches go through
my mind. Once bitten, twice shy. Look before you leap. For if I tell him
the truth, leaping is surely what I will be doing.
We go on a tour of the sex shops around the city. We laugh together at the
tacky lingerie and shoddily-made maid's costume. He points out gags and
cuffs that he thinks I would look attractive in. I just smile in an
embarrassed kind of way and wish that he would bind me in them. The
conversation has become like walking on a tightrope without a safety net:
one slip and all will be lost. Everything I say is guarded. He is trying to
get me to admit what I want--to say it out loud. Whereas, I am trying
desperately not to admit anything. The thrust and parry of our conversation
continues throughout the night. He gains more and more ground as the night
continues and I, more often than not, lose my balance.
Finally we both decide that it's time to go our separate ways. He walks
with me part way to the station and in a fairly dark and unpopulated spot,
we start to kiss goodbye. The kiss continues for quite a while and he
starts to wrap my ponytail around his hand. I think he's just being
affectionate and relax more into the kiss. Suddenly, my head is yanked back
and I yelp in surprise. He starts to bite my neck hard. The pain is
intense and then the endorphins hit and I relax into it. He bites up and
down the muscles and for the next few days all I have to do is move my head
and I am reminded of the encounter. He pulls my ponytail up straight and
orders, "Toes!". I struggle to stand on my toes, almost falling over from the
aftermath of the endorphins. He continues kissing and biting my neck until
I can't tell the pain from the pleasure. Then he stops and looks into my
eyes. "You're much hotter when I do this, aren't you little one?", as he
grabs my hair again. I manage to stutter out a "Yes". He pulls my hair
again "Yes, what?" he snaps. I look at him in confusion and then the light
dawns and I say, "Yes, Master". Everything that I had been trying not to say
all night escapes in those two words. He grins at me with a look of
satisfaction on his face, pats me on the head and says, "Good girl, I'll
call you tomorrow." With that, he turns around and walks away leaving me
totally confused, and yet happy, to find my own way home.
Sasha
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