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Cat and mouse

29 September 1997

Sitting in a bar, waiting in anticipation. Not quite sure what is going to take place. He's late, nothing unusual there. To him, it adds to the moment; to me, it's another agonising wait. Finally he arrives as if he's right on time, no apology, no explanation and kisses me hello. I go and get him a drink, gin and tonic, and a bourbon and coke for me. We start talking about our day, what went wrong at work, what went right, what the plans for the weekend are. It's just a general housekeeping kind of conversation. Every time my glass is nearly empty he tells me to go and buy another. As I drink more and my defences start to lower, the talk changes tone to a more personal level. "Tell me how you're feeling", he demands. I parry with a non-comittal, "slightly drunk". He looks at me with those dark brown eyes, "Not good enough - Tell me how you're really feeling." I can tell that it's not a request. However, I once again try to evade his question and try a "Let's get out of here"-type response. The conversation continues in this vein for a while. "Tell me how you're feeling and we'll leave", is his final offer. I look at him in that "soulful" kind of way which implies "Please don't push this much further" and offer "Confused" as my answer. He doesn't quiz me any further and as he's feeling playful tonight, lets me have my way.

We leave the bar and start wandering around the wet streets of a dark city. Neon lights reflect off the road in abstract patterns. I'm still fairly drunk and have to watch everything I say in case I slip up. What is going through my head is this: I want to fuck him, I want to submit to him and have him dominate me. It's even gone that far that I want to belong to him. I know that he's interested, but I can't tell him yet. I can't give up that amount of control, yet. I can't trust him, yet. Too many cliches go through my mind. Once bitten, twice shy. Look before you leap. For if I tell him the truth, leaping is surely what I will be doing.

We go on a tour of the sex shops around the city. We laugh together at the tacky lingerie and shoddily-made maid's costume. He points out gags and cuffs that he thinks I would look attractive in. I just smile in an embarrassed kind of way and wish that he would bind me in them. The conversation has become like walking on a tightrope without a safety net: one slip and all will be lost. Everything I say is guarded. He is trying to get me to admit what I want--to say it out loud. Whereas, I am trying desperately not to admit anything. The thrust and parry of our conversation continues throughout the night. He gains more and more ground as the night continues and I, more often than not, lose my balance.

Finally we both decide that it's time to go our separate ways. He walks with me part way to the station and in a fairly dark and unpopulated spot, we start to kiss goodbye. The kiss continues for quite a while and he starts to wrap my ponytail around his hand. I think he's just being affectionate and relax more into the kiss. Suddenly, my head is yanked back and I yelp in surprise. He starts to bite my neck hard. The pain is intense and then the endorphins hit and I relax into it. He bites up and down the muscles and for the next few days all I have to do is move my head and I am reminded of the encounter. He pulls my ponytail up straight and orders, "Toes!". I struggle to stand on my toes, almost falling over from the aftermath of the endorphins. He continues kissing and biting my neck until I can't tell the pain from the pleasure. Then he stops and looks into my eyes. "You're much hotter when I do this, aren't you little one?", as he grabs my hair again. I manage to stutter out a "Yes". He pulls my hair again "Yes, what?" he snaps. I look at him in confusion and then the light dawns and I say, "Yes, Master". Everything that I had been trying not to say all night escapes in those two words. He grins at me with a look of satisfaction on his face, pats me on the head and says, "Good girl, I'll call you tomorrow." With that, he turns around and walks away leaving me totally confused, and yet happy, to find my own way home.


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