Peter's story
13 July 1997
As far as BDSM is concerned, I have been Dominant since roughly about
puberty. There was never any coming out for me, or any time when I
thought that I was "vanilla". I always knew that I was a "pervert" and I
accepted it early on.
Being dominant is not just part of my sexuality. It is part of all of
me. In my work life and in my social life I am dominant. I was
fortunate, when I was in my early teens, to work during school holidays,
through my father, with other professionals having my own serious
responsibilities. I found that I delighted in them.
I am happy to be in control. I am happy to have the responsibility and
authority. One of the hard things that I learned about having this
authority and the control is when NOT to use it. Much the same as with
colleagues in a work environment, when you have a submissive partner you
have to know how to hold the reins just tight enough so that she does
what she should while still having the freedom to grow. It's not about
holding her down. It's about pulling her up.
I have always been drawn to submissive women. Even before I could put a
name to what I was, or recognised fully what I am, I always had partners
that were, to some extent or other, submissive. It was what I needed.
I see my relationships as partnerships. I cannot be a Dominant without a
submissive. I need a submissive to really be what I need to be, to
realize my potential (though that probably sounds corny).
My sexual fantasies regarding partners have almost always included the
idea that I was in control. My fantasies often involved my partners
being naked, but they hardly ever involved actual sex. It was the idea
of the control, and maybe the surrender, that I fantasised about, and it
was this that always turned me on.
A couple of the key words in my life and my relationships are: trust,
caring and respect. Without these any relationship, be it friendship or
more, is hollow and without significance.
A real delight for me is to have a bright, intelligent and confident
woman give herself to me, surrender herself completely to me, based on
the trust that I have earned from her. It is an honour and makes me feel
so warm inside. This is beautiful.
By nature I am very caring and nurturing. For me, important things when
caring about a submissive partner are making sure that she feels that
- she is being used and appreciated and,
- she is respected for what she is and how she behaves for me.
She needs to feel that she is valued.
I have always put a lot of effort into my partners. I love to see them
grow. I love to see them learn and become more confident with
themselves, more content and satisfied with what they are. Being
Dominant is a real responsibility. It is hard work taking care of two
people, myself and her. But it is work that I revel in. Seeing my
partner grow and shine, and seeing her smile and hearing the depth of
her need for me in her voice are the rewards.
The term "BDSM" breaks down into Bondage&Discipline,
Dominance&Submission and Sadism&Masochism. From the foregoing you can
tell that I'm mainly into the emotional and intellectual aspects of
Dominance&Submission. I am a bit of a sadist, but not much. I am not
into giving lots of pain, and I am not interested much in punishment and
discipline. They don't turn me on. Discipline is a means to an end and I
use it so that my sub knows that I care. That's about where it ends.
Sometimes I see myself more as a Mentor than a Master. I am both,
though. I have a woman now to whom I am "Master". She is my email slave
and she is a delight. Well, most of the time she is a delight. We have
had each other for only a few months now and there are still growing and
learning pains. Sometimes I feel enormously frustrated.
Looking back over the short time that we have had I see how much she has
grown, and every day I feel her commitment to me growing deeper. There
is nothing more and nothing better I could ask for.
Peter
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