Alexa's story

20 November 1997

• Why am I a Dominant?
• What is it like to own a slave in real life?

I am a professional and commercial Dominatrix, as well as what some would call a D&s "life-styler". Privately I am both slaver and slave trainer. By choice and passion I am involved with BDSM-related activities in one form or fashion on a daily basis.

I began my personal journey into BDSM when I was 17 years old and entered the life as a submissive/slave. I was initially trained in the "Old Guard" style of BDSM and worked with a male Dominant for one year before entering formal training at a private house for a further two years. In my time there I was exposed to various styles of BDSM life and there I learned the skills to train others. I have been a commercial Mistress for 5 years now and a "Dominant" personally for seven.

For me there is no more satisfying experience in the world than witnessing the "opening" of a submissive to their deepest desires; to see someone reach their fullest potential and to help them satiate their greatest need. I find an almost spiritual enjoyment in my Dominance. I find it sensually and intellectually arousing, and personally gratifying to the point where I have chosen to make it a major part of my overall lifestyle.

For me, Dominance is a passion, an erotic journey and a responsibility. It is who I am more-so than something I just do. Whether it is training, working or hosting play-parties, my primary goals as a Dominant today are to inform and to educate.

I believe strongly, not only because of my upbringing in BDSM but from my personal experiences with the end results of other people's inexperience, that the most skilled Dominants have at one time been on the receiving end of that which they ask their submissives/slaves to do.

This goes well with my personal philosophy: That to know a thing, to really understand it, one must become that thing.

I have found that personal interests in psychology and sociology have been useful tools in comprehending the intrinsic nature of my lifestyle. They have enriched a deeper, more complex understanding of the emotional aspects of service and have enhanced through that my physical enjoyment of the BDSM experience.

It is my responsibility as a Dominant in my private and professional lives to see that the holistic needs of my slaves are met. Holistic meaning physical, spiritual and emotional. In reality dina and I have a system of checks and balances, my needs are met by a happy and contented slave and hers are met by consistency and security.

Having a 24/7 slave is an enormous undertaking from a personal perspective. I am responsible for her education, her physical needs: housing, food, clothing and medical; and for her maintenance of family ties as well as her sexual and emotional needs. For us it is a balance of play and performance, punishment and pleasure. It is balancing my own needs and dina's needs. A careful balance of not compromise but consideration and understanding, of fantasy and fact.

It is, knowing her intimately enough to hear what was said and knowing what was meant, to be able to read her body's signals and feel her emotional ups and downs. To be 100% committed to maintaining the relationship, and to be committed to its continual growth and exploration. At any time I am Mistress, mother, sister, confidant and lover. To watch her grow as an individual and become more beautiful every day is personally gratifying and an honour.

Having a 24/7 slave and, therefore, being required to 24/7 as a Dominant myself, meets my own needs in several areas. My needs being practically for an assistant, and personally, through dina and others, my desire to train, my personal emotional and sexual needs, and my love for the craft of BDSM are all satiated to unimaginable degrees. With my work as a bonus, my financial needs are also met.

The most important skill I have learnt as a Dominant is how to see through walls.

The hardest skill I have had to learn has been honest non-judgmentalism.

My most common advice I give to new or other Dominants, to professionals and players alike, is: Practice! Practice! Practice! Learn all you can about yourself first and know your own limitations. Read! - anything and everything you can get your hands on and then learn to form your own style. Don't be bound by the "limitations" of a standard. Never stop asking questions and never be too embarrassed to ask... And try anything once, just in case you like it:)

Alexa